Well, today is my 25th birthday. I have a few minutes to type while the babe is sleeping, and I wanted to try to capture my feelings on my quarter of a century birthday. There aren’t any pictures in this post (Adeline’s 3 month post is coming on Monday, get ready to be smothered with cute-ness), and please excuse my introspective ramblings…
I would never have imagined that I would have gotten married at 22 and that I would have a baby right before I turned 25. God works in some special ways, I can attest to that. This year has been full of ups and downs. The biggest surprise of this past year was definitely find out that we were expecting a baby, and the rest of the year was filled with preparing for the little one. In some ways, I kind of felt like this past year wasn’t really mine. I suppose part of that feeling comes from being pregnant for 40 weeks (aka a LONG time), and now, even though Adeline is here, I still don’t feel like my “old” self.
I suppose I never will be my “old” self again- I’m a mother now.
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.
As smooth as this transition to motherhood has been, and as much as I love my daughter- a part of me is still grieving the loss of the days as just being “me”. Life will never be the same as it was before Adeline came into the world, BUT, I wouldn’t trade my life now for anything in the world. I have a husband who loves and supports me (who makes me laugh, who comforts me when I cry, etc.) I have a beautiful, happy and healthy baby girl, and God has surrounded our family with the love of friends and family.
I think it’s pretty natural to get sentimental at this time of the year- as we say “goodbye” to the holiday season and start preparing for a “New Year, New You”. I’m taking some time today to look back on this past year and to say THANK YOU to God for bringing me through this journey. I’m waving goodbye to my “early twenties” with a smile. I’m constantly trying to give up my struggles, insecurities and anxieties about my past and my future to God so that I can be present in the now.
So, I’m entering into my 25th year as a “new” me. I’m embracing the changes that have come into my life. I’m a mom. But, I’m still a Child of God, a Wife, a Friend, a Daughter (and more).
Thank you so much for all of the texts, Facebook messages and in-person Happy Birthday wishes. Here’s to twenty-five FANTASTIC years, and cheers to many more!